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last updated 1:00PM Eastern Time, 5/6/2002 May 2002 Journal
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Monday, May 6 1:30pm Eastern Time, 5/6/2002 In the last couple of weeks, life for David has slowed down... considerably. He saw some good progress from the hyperbaric therapies and brain integration work and cranial-sacral treatments, but Dave has plateaued a little bit, and while we can all see continued progress in Dave, it is not as easy to measure as the progress we saw in some of his more intensive speech, physical and occupational therapies. Somehow it's more satisfying when you can measure the progress. So Dave has been going to his therapies once or twice a week. He's gone to see a couple of movies. He is quite happy that the NBA and NHL playoffs are on TV (good recovery, Avs!). But mostly, Dave is pretty bored, and bored isn't good. We all know how much Dave thrives on his friends. Well, now he'll get his chance. May 10, Colorado better watch out! Dave's coming for a two week visit to Colorado Springs. He'll be staying with Kathy in Manitou Springs, but would be thrilled to spend some of that time in Denver. Contact Kathy to coordinate a visit, or an evening out, or to offer Dave tix to an Avs championship game... And, so that you east-coasters don't get jealous, we're also planning a week-long trip for Dave to beloved "Re-hook-both" -- the family beach house in Rehoboth Beach, DE. Dave will be there Sunday to Sunday, June 2-9. This will give Mom and Dad an opportunity to get away for a week, and it will give Dave a chance to "catch rays... look at girls... couldn't be better" (that's a direct quote, by the way). We need to find people to stay with Dave that week, and the weekdays will be trickier than the weekends. If you are interested in visiting during any of those days, please contact Brian O'Callaghan and let him know which days you want to be there. C'mon, kids. Dave had a blast in San Fran a couple of months ago. Can the rest of the country show him as good a time as that??? (That's a challenge, by the way.) Jay
Tuesday, May 21 10:00am Eastern Time, 5/20/2002 Dave is still kickin' it in Colorado, and having a blast. We've decided to extend his visit out there until June 2 to give him some more weekends-with-friends. Now if only he'd get his Avs in gear... Dave's birthday in May 22 (tomorrow). Heather Charlet is organizing a little get-together/birthday celebration/Avs game extravaganza. The party will be held at Piscos (a South American restaurant) on 6th and Downing. The party starts at 5:30pm! There will be appetizers and TV's, just in case anyone's interested in a sporting event or something. You're responsible for your own drinks. ALL ARE WELCOME! Please just let Heather know you're coming so we can guestimate the number of app's we need. Heather_Charlet@gmacm.com or call (720)339-7494 Oh, and no birthday gifts are expected or anticipated. Your presence will be presents enough... (Was that cheesy enough for you?)
Tuesday, June 11 10:00pm Eastern Time, 6/11/2002 Dave is back in Afton, VA after a few weeks in Denver (photos to come) and a week in Rehoboth. He has a meeting tomorrow with a residential facility in Charlottesville, VA. This is a great little home for brain injury patients that is associated with the John Jane rehabilitation center. Dave tried the John Jane program early last summer, but was not quite ready for it. As he pushes for more independence, however, the John Jane program seems to be more and more appropriate for him. So hopefully by next week sometime, we will move David into a house with maybe a half-dozen other residents. The house is run by a 30-something guy that Mom and Dad are pretty impressed with. He tries to make the house feel like home for the residents, and he encourages them to become as independent as possible. We would like to see this as a step for David toward independent living, and even a return to Denver. His recent visit only confirmed for him how much he misses his life out there. Below is a message from Kath: I
wanted to take just a moment to personally thank all of Dave's Colorado
friends who made the effort and took the time to see him while he was
here for three weeks. Coordinating his crazy social schedule about did
me in. I'm not sure how he stayed on top of it all of these years. Saturday, July 13 10:00pm Eastern Time, 7/13/2002 A message from Mom: This Dave update from Virginia is way past due and JOY pushes me to the computer to write this one. After several months of letting “Life be Dave’s therapy”, we went back over the mountain to Woodrow Wilson Rehab Center for an evaluation for their Brain Injury Services program. I won’t go at length into the program itself here, because the evaluating team won’t meet again until next Wednesday. When we know whether Dave’s in or not, then I’ll know whether you’ll want to hear all about it or not. For now, it’s sufficient to say, big changes and small ones were noted by the evaluators, particularly in speech and physical progress. He left there in February dependant on a cane and came back walking without one. His vocabulary has vastly improved, and he expresses many of his thoughts in full sentences. The biggest, most exciting news was confirmation of what David has been saying for about five months. “I’M COMING BACK, BABY. SWEATY PALMS. TINGLING ARM.” Both physical therapist and occupational therapist tested his right shoulder, arm, and hand for signs of voluntary muscle involvement. They discovered that the right arm is definitely connected at the shoulder, meaning that it no longer sags out of the socket because of no muscle action. They discovered action in the shoulder muscle. The OT supported his hand and arm bent and held out in front of him. The PT stood behind him with her hands on front of shoulder and on scapula behind. When she asked him to push his arm out, she felt movement in the shoulder and also in the triceps. They also detected movement in the wrist. Being a woman of enormous control, I didn’t get up and do a jig, but my heart did. Everyone in the room was smiling from ear to ear to ear, and Smooth Himself could have provided light for half the city of New York. The therapists were excited because this sign of movement finally gives them something to work with in that arm. So, that’s the biggest news from yesterday. The biggest news from recently is that David has once again fallen into an ideal situation for ongoing recovery and transition to independent living. I know that the angels he keeps so busy really had to scramble to find this one, but in the end, they just tapped one of their own kind to do the job. He is an angel in human form who goes by the name of Heinz Kramp, German by birth, American by choice, and totally devoted to helping those in need lead happy lives. Many years ago he founded Innesfree, the BMW of assisted living facilities whose goal was to make a homey, stimulating atmosphere for people with special needs. The majority of the residents of Innisfree suffer mental retardation, and their needs are different from those who are victims of a Traumatic Brain Injury. (TBI) Innisfree is going strong today, but Heinz came up with a different idea to help TBI victims, and he moved on to create a new model in the heart of Charlottesville, Virginia. Rainbow Bridge Foundation now owns, or is in the process of paying for, four lovely homes, each run by individuals who have dedicated themselves to their jobs. There are no more than three “residents” in each house, and the living is completely family style. (The terms resident and counselor are my own. Heinz and his staff make no distinction between “family members” living in the house.) We’ve noted that though the bulk of cooking and planning duties fall to staff, everyone pitches in to help in the various tasks of daily life, and daily life revolves around residents’ needs. It’s hard to describe the loving and fun atmosphere that prevails. Everyone has obviously subscribed to the light-hearted and giving nature of Heinz Kramp himself. The Lexington Avenue house where Dave lives is less than half a mile from Charlottesville’s beautiful downtown mall, an area of old C’ville, blocked off from traffic with bricked streets and numerous outdoor cafes, shops, movies, and even an ice hockey rink sporting a local league. “Not the Avalanche,” said Dave, “but fun to watch.” David had the choice of the single remaining bedroom in the big house or the small cottage out back. He opted for the cottage and we agreed that living out there alone would be better preparation for independent living down the road. He has a living room, bedroom, bath and a kitchen large enough to hold a table. Through the kitchen door, he can move into a shaded fenced in back yard with its own table and chairs, an inviting place for company. Since he hasn’t had any company yet, he’s more inclined to visit the big house where he has most of his evening meals. Breakfast and lunch he prepares for himself. Michaela, who is running Lexington until Chris gets back from his honeymoon, helps with his grocery list and they go shopping together. Heinz takes him to Boar’s Head to work out in the gym. He goes with Heinz’s son Andrew and another old buddy, Brian Slaughter, out to watch summer league lax, or to dinner or movies. It bowled us all over to discover that Andrew had gone to Woodberry for a year when Dave was there AND then on to Denison where he played lacrosse his first year. They knew each other!! And though Andrew didn’t have the honor of being a Beta, he’s turned out OK. He’s home for six weeks, and he certainly helped make David’s transition into his new surroundings an additional delight. David is thrilled. After all, he had already done this growing up and moving away from the ‘rents once in his lifetime and he was past ready to do it again. He is not ready, though, to be on his own and because we have filled in so many of the gaps for him, he is not aware of where those gaps are. We are thrilled, because he is independent from us, but completely supported in this new stage of development. And from a strictly selfish point of view, we are also kicking up our heels a bit in this new freedom: camping in the Blue Ridge, playing tennis, going out on a whim. David’s new address
is: PHONE: ??????? to be announced as soon as he has his own in the cottage. In the meantime, we still serve as ready go-betweens and deliver messages a couple of times a week. Know that if you plan to visit, David would love to see you, and can go out almost any time. We feel that having his own phone, taking his own messages, talking with friends is valuable not only for his spirit, but also for re-developing skills that were once among his major strengths: initiating contact, following up on conversations, connecting to friends. Heinz and Michaela (for now) and Chris (after honeymoon) will help him develop a calendar and some means of making notes. Right now his short-term memory is a problem, and though it will improve, he will also need to develop some compensating techniques. As a result and for the short term, I recommend that you continue to back up planned visits with David with either calls or emails to us. That way, his Lexington and Park Street (where Heinz Kramp lives) families can be kept abreast of Dave’s plans and can assist him in making them all work out. You continue to be David’s heartbeat. His trips to San Francisco, Denver, Colorado Springs, the Beach, New York, Washington, and even Las Vegas for Ben Miller’s bachelor party—all give him reason to live, keep him healthy and happy, bring the sparkle to his eyes. His “let life be his therapist” concept have included: cranio-sacral work, chiropractic work, brain integration work, psycho-therapy, hyperbaric oxygen treatments, physical workouts at the gym, golf (mainly chipping and putting) and visits, visits, visits. It all comes back to YOU. Right now he is the happiest he’s been since that fall, January 13, 2001. He can see a future. So can we. With much love and
gratitude, Monday, September 23 12:00pm Eastern Time, 9/23/202 Ok, I have been woefully delinquent in updating this site. Sorry everyone! Dave continues to progress but progress can sometimes be slow and frustrating. Here is an update from Mom with more of the details! September 20, 2002 David greeted me this week with, "Mom, I lost my life on that operating table." In the course of the conversation with followed and with the help of the empathetic and insightful young social worker who is working with him once a week, he went on to explain. When he says, "I love squash" or "I really love skiing" or "I love________." (insert name of friend), what he's NOT saying is, "I'm really sad. I've lost squash, skiing, friend." He has lost his life as he knew it before his fall. There is so much he can do which he couldn't even a month ago, but he is suddenly coming to grips with the reality of his life as he lives it now. That doesn't mean that he doesn't still love LIFE. He made a statement that was incomplete and that I didn't quite get. "Do you mean you wish you dead?" A BIG Smot grin burst forth with all the radiant energy of old, "No. NOT that. Never that. I am happy to be alive." Then he sobered, "I'm just scared. Scared as shit." According to the therapist, David really does have to deal with this pain. In the Smethurst household, we're Princes of Positive, but we are all trying to learn how to work for recovery while dealing with reality at the same time. It's not easy. It often hurts, but in the case of David, it's especially important for family and friends to go through the hurt with him, to let him express his fears. This does NOT mean that he won't recover a lot more of his abilities, both cognitive and physical. It does NOT mean that he won't rebuild a wonderful life…but his life will never be just as it was…and he is just beginning to muster the courage to say goodbye to the former one. Sometimes he lacks the courage and falls into either extreme negatives or extreme positives, both of which help him avoid fear. AND much of the time, especially when he is with friends, he is happy, purely and simply, happy. On that note, let me tell you some of Dave's achievements: Our man Dave has been living in Charlottesville now for 3 ½ months! He can walk alone the half mile to the downtown mall. We're not talking San Francisco, New York or Denver, here, but the area is lovely with the entire main street bricked and closed off. There are big shade trees and outdoor restaurants, shops, movies, and throughout the winter, musical events at Fridays after Five at the far end of the mall. Compared to the tall trees and lovely mountains and passing squirrels and deer and foxes and turkeys of Round Top, Dave thinks he is in heaven. As far as he's concerned, you go to the country to ski, or white water raft, or at a stretch, find a golf course. Living there is for the parents and other birds. What else is he up to? Five days a week, he swims. No, he really swims, not like in the old days where going to the pool meant taking in rays and scoping out the women. He puts on a life belt, grabs a kick board, and does laps for half an hour. "It's tiring! Thirty minutes and I'm beat." He has been doing "eye therapy" twice a week. That's done now and he made a lot of progress. Ever since Craig Hospital we have known that he has a severe right field cut. That means that if he's looking straight ahead, he has NO peripheral vision on his right. Hold a pencil beside his right ear and move it slowly toward the front, and he can't see it until it is directly in front of his eyeball. So two things have happened. 1) The Occupational Therapist has worked with him on constant scanning. He wants to drive again, but can you imagine the danger if he never sees anything to the right (and doesn't realize that he's not seeing)? So she has been teaching him to look, to turn his head, to scan a page, to scan a hallway, to look to the right in a grocery store, to pick out lights to right, left, up, down, middle on a huge scanning board in a darkened room.. 2) He has had a prism put in the right side of the lenses of his glasses. This pulls images from the right into his awareness. With more practice, he has learned to turn his head to see it clearly and to determine just where the object is. I feel better even about his crossing streets! David fixes his own breakfast and cleans up; does his own laundry; maintains a certain order in his cottage, but has his main meals in the big house. A delightful young couple runs the Lexington Avenue House (one of 4 homes owned by the Rainbow Bridge Foundation). They live as a family, taking in plays, movies, therapies, swimming, working out in the gym. He's getting some cooking practice. Living with vegetarians, he's learning to really like vegetables. Honest! On Tuesday, September 24, Dave is flying out to Denver. He'll be spending the next two weeks with Kathy and Brooke in Manitou Springs; will spend the first weekend in Boulder with Chris Ebel and the second weekend in Denver and will return to C'ville on Tuesday, Oct. 8. If you'd like to meet up with Dave at some point, give Kathy a call. She's organizing his therapy and social life while he's there: (719) 685-4593. On October 28, David will enter the Brain Injury Services division of Woodrow Wilson Rehab in Fishersville. There he will spend a month doing intensive speech, cognitive, physical and occupational therapies, followed by a period of job training in whatever skills and interests Dave has shown potential for. The OT was particularly excited to discover the new movement in Dave's right arm. He can sometimes raise the hand from his lap to his chest. This is extraordinary, because until July he had had NO movement in that arm since his accident (or more correctly, since the third surgery in the ICU). The arm began tingling last February; then hand began sweating in June; now the brain is waking up to this forgotten appendage. "I'M COMING BACK, BABY. I'M COMING BACK." In keeping with the new awareness of his life, though, Dave says, "I'm a lonely guy. I'm lonely." The advantages of Dave's living in town are too many to enumerate, but one big disadvantage is that Bob and I are somewhat out of the loop on organizing his social weekends. If any of you would like to come visit, you are always welcome to make Round Top (our home) your base of operations. It's half an hour from Dave, but it's free. Or if you are going to be in town and would like to meet up with him for an evening or afternoon, you can call him directly in his cottage at: (434) 295-4744. He will love hearing from you; and if you reach his answering machine, leave your name and then SLOWLY leave your number. He'll call back. IF you make plans to meet him, or take him away for the weekend, or simply spend time with him, please call Chris, who is in charge of the main Lexington Ave. House (as opposed to Dave's cottage out back). David does suffer some short term memory loss and will likely forget to tell Chris of his plans (and MAY even forget the plans); so please call Chris and confirm what you've worked out with Dave. If Dave were to suddenly be gone, Chris would worry as much as any Dad. Yet another example of the fine care our son's receiving….and of how he has lost control of his own life. Bob and I still love to hear from you and will be major factors in planning any trips for Dave. We will be gone the first month David is in Woodrow Wilson, but he will go back to his home on Lexington Avenue every weekend, so if you're in the area, look him up. His friends remind him of his goals and his hopes and himself, the inner Smot. Love to you all,
Tuesday, September 24 11:11am Eastern Time, 9/24/2002 A quick message from Kathy to the Denver posse. Dave would like to get together with anyone who's interested at the Cherry Creek Grill on Thursday, Oct 3rd from 6pm- ? It's an impromptu gathering where everyone fends for themselves on food and drink. Somebody take photos and send them to me!
Thursday, October 3 8:12am Eastern Time, 10/3/2002 Another note from Kath: I wanted
to give all of Dave's Denver friends a little heads up before you see
him on Thursday night. You'll be as amazed as I with the speech improvements
that he's made since you saw him in May. What I want to emphasize is to
give Dave time to get out his thoughts. Give him the extra 10 seconds
because it's worth the wait. It's really fun hearing what he has to say.
Try not to jump in and finish his sentence. It feels a bit awkward initially
but it's helpful to him and he has a lot to say when you let him! By the
way, until about five months ago, the Cherry Creek Grill was called "Bandera's".
Monday, October 21 2:21pm Eastern Time, 10/21/2002 To all
Dave’s extended and extensive family: That means that his address remains the same: 723 Lexington
Avenue His phone number is
now void and he uses the main house number: (434) 295-4744. You may leave
messages for Dave at that number even though it’s not his voice that
tells you to. Because there is also a David Bauer living there, ask for
Smot. Everyone there knows him by that name, and you will avoid confusion. I couldn’t have been more impressed. My approach is more the bull in the china closet: Here's my plan. What do you think of that? I do believe he went into the meeting with the goal of having Dave move into David Bauer’s room in the house, David Bauer move upstairs into Chris and Patricia's quarters and Chris and Patricia move out to the cottage. Whereas I would have probably opened the meeting with that agenda, he left the floor open to Smot. Sort of, what would you like to tell the group about our conversation yesterday? Dave said that he was lonely out in the cottage, he hated it, he needed people. "I'm a people person. I NEED people.” Even here in the main house, he pointed to the TV room, “I don't want to be alone." He said he would rather be doing something with Johnny and David or Chris or Patricia than watching television or listening to music. Heinz asked him what he wanted and what each person could do to help Dave. He also pointed out that Dave's moving into the main house would make NO difference unless Dave reached out and the others reached back. He praised Dave for making his need so plain. "When Dave walked into my house and said, ‘Heinz, I need you’, "well, he had me totally! W all need to learn to ask like that. We all need help sometimes.” David Bauer said that he thought they could play more ping-pong. "We played yesterday." He looked a bit chagrined, "In fact, he beat me 2 out of 3 games." They could also go to the downtown mall together. Johnny said he would like to help. Johnny is a quiet man, gentle and approachable, who suffered a traumatic brain injury many years ago. His smile is warm and his spirit loving. After that Heinz encouraged David Bauer to comment on the physical movesnecessary to get Dave into the house. When he said he would go upstairs or out to cottage or stay where he was, Heinz said that was nice but the discussion wasn't just about "accommodating". What would be the pluses and minuses for him of each of those options? Every person there had input and in the long run, having all had much to say, opted to move Chris and Patricia to the cottage, David B. upstairs, and Smot into David B's room. Johnny would stay where he was. We all felt stronger for the communication and I felt very good about this Rainbow Bridge concept and how it works for each person involved according to his/her needs of the moment. Chris and Patricia, the newlyweds, tried successfully to keep from begging for the cottage. Dave and I went out to lunch after the meeting. Talked about going to a movie, but he was too tired. "Need to rest. Just go home." When I started for Lexington Ave, he said, "No. Home home....and to spend the night." So we stopped by Lexington Ave to pick up a change of clothes and meds. He is a great guy and I'm so glad to have him home. Woodrow Wilson, though, is going to be the ideal environment for him starting next week, October 28. Much as David has always lauded freedom from effort, in fact he has been an extremely hard worker with a gift for finding fun things to do in his free time. He is NOT one who just likes to lie around a lot. That's why his cave Dave Sundays were so valuable to him. Every day as cavedaveday drives him right out of his mind. The daily structure will be terrific, a real godsend. For this week, though, and for every weekend, Dave has moved into his new room. Bob got back from his trip and we went over to help haul, beds and mattresses and clothes and CD’s, etc. Our man is all smiles. When I stopped by to get my purse which I’d forgotten, he was in the kitchen with Patricia chopping vegetables. In the afternoon he played a round of golf with Bob…giving up on the 5 irons and concentrating on the chipping and putting. We are so proud of him. If you are going to be in the area over the next month or so, Smot will be at Woodrow Wilson during the week and back at Lexington Ave. on the weekends. Give him and call, and make a point of talking to Chris, too, (at the same number)if you make plans to go out. The first weekend after his entrance into Woodrow Wilson, he’s heading for the Gurley’s “Farm Party” in Maryland….but every weekend after that is free. Bob and I are heading for France for a month of travel and eating too well and playing tennis and getting into a new history project. The Cathars. So though I know we’re leaving Dave in good places, my mother side worries. Nothing new about that…but we’re leaving him in your care. Thanks. Love from the Mom and the Dad PS: Dave had a fantastic time in Manitou Springs with Kathy and Brooke, Molly and Jack, in Denver with friends from Jack Nadel and Denison Days and California Days and even Denver Days, and in Boulder where he got to take in a Colorado game as well as a Bronco game. Once back in Virginia more buddies came and took him out to a University of Virginia (The University, you know) game and out to dinner. Thank you one and all.
Sunday, December 22, 2002 8:00pm Eastern Time, 12/22/2002 Good morning! What a wonderful afternoon we spent yesterday. David, Bob and I went bowling. David had bowled some at Woodrow Wilson Rehab, so when I asked on Friday if that was something that might interest him, he smiled big. "Sure, I'll go!" Yesterday he remembered and wanted to know at breakfast when we were going. Because of an enormous tree which had fallen from our yard into the neighbors' property, Bob had a long morning of sawing and splitting. When he started into the afternoon, though, Dave put on his jacket and strode out into the flying chips. "Bowling. Let's go!" Well, bowling. Wow. Dave has no use of his right arm and has to concentrate when placing his right leg, so I wondered about balance. Right. I worried about his falling. As soon as he got the rented bowling shoes on, he headed for lane 34, picked up a ball that was there and just happened to be perfect, and was ready to be first. He moved right up to the line, stopped, positioned both feet for good balance and leaned over, extending his arm with the ball and letting it swing naturally one, two, three times and then released it gently onto the floor. Straight down the center it rolled, straight for the head pin, but then, due to lack of power and length of lane, it began to veer right. Just before the pins, it trickled into the gutter. No problem. He waited patiently for the return and rolled again. Same routine, same patience, same gentleness, same result. Somehow his spirits held to enthusiastic. He called those first balls down to practice. I'm no bowler. We go maybe twice a year. So I rolled pretty consistent 9's, coming so close to a spare, but rarely getting one. "Go, MOM" came the encouragement from behind me. He let out a whoop and gave me a high five when I finally got a spare, and a magnificent GRRROOOOOAN when my next roll was a gutter bawl…woops… No. "Gutter bawl" says it pretty well. Bob has power and pins jump all over the place, occasionally even getting X's as we heard the little girl two lanes over say to her granddad. Dave cheered Bob on as well. Then he would get up and try again, moving to the left so that the gradual fade to the right would be in the middle. Sometimes that worked. Sometimes it didn't. By the end of that game, he'd scored 45. Into the next game, he scored a strike. Great joy and not a little noise broke loose from Smot's support group, and he grinned from ear to ear and squeezed our hands. Too many of those balls, though, just didn't make the pins. After four gutter balls in a row, he was getting discouraged. I said to his big green bowling ball as he picked it up, "OK, Ball. Make it Fun." David laughed, stepped forward, did the swing, but bigger, stronger, Four times, and when he released the ball, it had some pace on it and it struck the pins just where he wanted and left only two standing. He picked off the spare and came back grinning. "OK. I got it now. We'll play another game." He'd been experimenting all along with where he stood, whether to try for a little spin. The Rehab's lanes just aren't as long as standard lanes. What must have worked at Woodrow Wilson (we never saw him play there) was perfect placement. Power didn't matter. On the longer lane, lack of pace simply wouldn't carry the ball all the way to the pins. At one point early in the second game, I steeled myself and made my voice light as possible and asked if we should play on one of the lanes with railings. Even the smallest child in the group two lanes over was having a blast as her ball could never gutter. It always arrived at the pins and knocked something down. Dave's discouragement had been so clear. "Nah! Don't need it." He was grinning as we ended that game, and those last two throws went better, but due to all the gutter balls, he still only scored 45. You may say, "Hell's Bells! Who cares about the score?? If his physical therapists back in San Francisco General could have seen him BOWLING, they'd have cheered. Score shmore!" Smot the Smooth, though, did care. It mattered. "NEW game. It's a new game," and he started off the third with all he'd learned in the first two still upon him. What a magnificent guy is Dave. Same method. More power, good control. By the end of that game, he was getting spares, sometimes back to back, picking off two pins sometimes even when they were split. Score: 103! We all felt like dancing, but instead we went home and had a festive dinner in front of a crackling fire and the soft glow of Christmas tree lights. We have been worried about Dave's head. When he overexercises, the left side (which has undergone so many operations) begins to throb with pain and his arm tingles and unless he stops and lies down, he might pass out. Twice the physical therapist saw this happen. Actually, the second time she stopped him when he began to grimace and the symptoms of pain and dizziness passed in about 2 minutes. A recent MRI showed no problems, but he will undergo another series of tests with a neurologist who is part of a group that specializes in work with epilepsy to determine whether or not he may be experiencing mild seizures. So far the docs don't know. His pulse is normal, blood count, too. In any case, three games at the bowling alley left him grinning and symptom free. He's off early tomorrow morning for Christmas in New York…or at least in Connecticut right next door…where he will spend a couple of nights at Oakie and Suzanne's and a couple of nights at Tuts and Jenny's. He is so up for that visit! Here's something to keep in mind when you are with him. The Smot of old tended to be always upbeat, ready and able to make friends and strangers laugh. He still loves the upbeat, humor, laughter and likes to be surrounded by it. Sometimes, though, he is down, sad. He has lost a lot, more than the rest of us can even imagine, and he knows it. What he has discovered, and the rest of us Smethursts are learning, is that it's OK to feel sad. It's OK for us to ask him if he's feeling sad and if he'd like to talk about it. It is absolutely amazing to see that so often his simply saying that he's down and why is enough to lighten the load. Asked about how it felt to be with good friends, his immediate reply was "GREAT!" Then there was silence and he amended that: "It's good and it's hard. Both." More pause…"It's hard for funny guys to confront their feelings." "It's hard for me." He loves the weddings, the jobs, the babies, the lives of his friends. When he gets pictures, he looks over them with big smiles and wants to hear the letter several times…but these are also signposts that his friends are moving on while he feels stuck in recovery and he doesn't know how far recovery can take him…and whether we will all love him and want to be with him just as he is right now. Asked by a therapist we've all come to admire and trust how it made him feel when I said, "Later when you are on your own…..", he pondered. "Pressure. It feels like pressure." So the purely positive approach, the Big Front we put on for each other is out of place now. It's amazing how crying when we need to, admitting our fear and sorrow, clears the atmosphere and helps not only Dave but also us. We all want to wish
you a wonderful holiday. |